Intentional disciples
June 2022 newsletter
“The real test of being in the presence of God is, that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether.” -C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity; Chapter 7 -The Great Sin.
Sometimes, I think that I am doing OK. That is when the Lord gives me a great grace; correction. Last summer my spiritual advisor asked that I read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. I bought the book and started reading, excited to see what God would reveal to me. But after a few chapters, I was bogged down, finding the reading difficult. During those chapters C.S. Lewis was giving logical proof of God to unbelievers. “I didn’t need this,” I thought. “I know God exists,” and put the book down. I told my advisor at our next meeting and he wisely told me, “that’s OK, God will let you know when the time comes.”
Nine months later in adoration, I asked the Lord if there was anything that I was forgetting to do for him. “Read Mere Christianity” kept popping into my head. It must be time, I thought, and continued reading the book with new fervor. I soon came upon Chapter 7, The Great Sin. The preceding chapters had covered Sex, Marriage, and Forgiveness and I thought I had an understanding of those. But for me, Mr. Lewis was building to Chapter 7, the chapter on Pride. “If you want to find out how proud you are the easiest way is to ask yourself, ‘How much do I dislike it when other people snub me, or refuse to take any notice of me, or shove their oar in, or patronize me, or show off?’ When I read this, God showed me my greatest sin, Pride. How often was I unhappy when things did not go my way, or people were rude, or treated me badly? Every time! The depth of my weakness surprised me, down to my core. I immediately apologized to my wife and my kids and asked for their forgiveness. This made me realize how far I still have to go. I thought that had left the starting blocks, but had I even entered the race? I read and re-read that chapter seven times, thanking God for his mercy, for this grace of correction. “For what Father does not discipline His son?” (Heb 12:7)
A month later, the Holy Spirit asked me to give this same chapter to a priest. A little afraid of offending him, I took my time discerning, almost ignoring the promptings of Spirit over a period of a month. Finally, I left the chapter in the parish office with a note saying, “The Holy Spirit asked me to give this to you.
A month later, the Holy Spirit asked me to give this same chapter to a priest. A little afraid of offending him, I took my time discerning, almost ignoring the promptings of the Spirit over a period of a month. Finally, I left the chapter in the parish office with a note saying, " The Holy Spirit asked me to give this to you. I don’t know why. God Bless!” Two weeks later the Spirit prompted me to go to this priest (face to face) for confession and confess very specific sins including the new understanding of my pride. He offered me great insight, but most of all reminded me of the love God had for me. Then the priest thanked me for the chapter, that it came exactly when he needed it the most. Unknown to me, he had just been promoted to a high office for his young age and quoted the line above from that chapter, “It is better to forget about yourself altogether.” Praise God!
Pride is still my great sin, a standout among the rest. Only leaning on God’s grace can combat it. As soon as you think you are doing well, there it is again. If you think you are not prideful, it is probably your greatest sin of all. I continue to strive to be a servant to all as this helps me to forget about myself altogether. “If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all.” Mark 9:35. May God Bless you all!
All In For Christ!
Paul